I am BLESSED

I am utterly overjoyed by the fact that I am IMMENSELY blessed. Blessed in innumerable ways. I am blessed simply because I know am loved. I feel so secured. I am wholeheartedly accepted. Indeed, God has given me everything I need to survive. I have a very loving and supportive family. I have a good set of friends who in one way or another, inspire me to become a better person and to do well in my craft. I know a few people who I look up to and I believe are living testimonies that life indeed is beautiful. The success of these people who inspire me in various ways reminds me that life should be lived to its fullest, that it should be enjoyed. There is no such a thing as too late for any changes and that I must be able to make the most of life and cherish every moment of my waking days. To dream, to achieve them, to love, to write, to sing, to dance, to hug, to cry, and to thank the Lord sincerely for all of life. My life is not perfect. I do not live grandiosely.  I do not possess luxurious material things and I do not really hunger for any of them because I do not want to stick to those that would not last. I live within my means and I am sincerely content with that. 

All I really want in this life is perfect bliss, fulfillment in what I do, and pure sublime happiness. 

That’s all. Simple yet complex. God has equipped me to run the race and win life’s battles. God has generously bestowed on me the qualities and values necessary to survive and to thrive beyond any means of survival. I thank the Lord that He has blessed me with a kind and forgiving heart. I thank Him that I am not easily angered and when I am, I can forgo and lay it on to the altar of God’s grace. I thank Him that I don’t find keeping grudges to other people healthy and beneficial of some sort in my part. I just don’t want any complications. I want serenity of mind. 

Albeit, I feel so bad for not thanking God enough for all these blessings. I too ran out of patience at times, but God has allowed putting me in various circumstances where I painstakingly learned that patience is not just a plain virtue inculcated to any one in schools but it is an exceptional quality considered indispensable when one truly aims for tranquility and harmony in all things. I learned this the hard way. Until now, I still fail in applying this in my very life. I guess this will be a lifetime quest. 

I believe all my life, I waited, still waiting, and will continue to wait for something, for a perfect moment, and for the right person to love because I am one person who believes that good things come to those who wait. Waiting takes a lot of patience because humans as we are, we all want security and certainty in all things, I mean who would not?  We want things in an instant; we want to jump into the endings of the story instead of savoring the little details in between simply because we just can’t wait. We want something to happen right then and there. But I learned that life is not tantamount to reading books that when we get frustrated of how the story is going to end, we can just skip and read through the ending and that is it. In life, we need to go through the process. It means going through that uncomfortable, painful process of growing up- the holding on, the letting go and the waiting.

I learned that there are really some things in life that are worth waiting for. There are things that are worth wasting our time and tears. There are things that are worth paying the price-in full. That in life, you need to learn to take a leap of faith, face the unknown and explore the possibility of life because, from the very beginning, God has bestowed on us the gift of “free-will.” This very precious gift gives us the power to decide on what we really want to happen in our life. As I get older, the daunting responsibility of what it means to be grown up scares me to death. The choices and decisions I make now will significantly make an impact and somehow determine my future.  Therefore, there is a need for me to really take wise and sound decision, and I thought, life has never been this hard. The need to accept and face the circumstances and consequences of my decisions even more weakens me in a way that I just loathe being a grown up, because it is just sad. However, it dawned on me that this is a part of what it means to grow. This is the phase I need to go through to become a better person. That’s why I feel the in dire need to ask God for the grace of discernment so as I may see things in His perspective. I cannot solely rely on my own understanding, because after all, my view of the world is limited. I need to seek the One Omnipotent, the One who sees things in perfect view. In making decisions, I need to check on my core values too. 

What are the values I consider important to be happy?

What do I value most in life?

What and who do I consider as my priced possession?  

What are the things I can willingly forgo for my loved ones?

Life indeed is too complex to grasp. Life's absurdities enable me to understand the significance of trusting God in all things. I can never fully fathom God’s ways and to try would be a waste of time. I see that no matter how sure I am with my decisions and choices, things could still go wrong. I might choose the wrong course and fail many times, but only one thing remains certain and that is the fact, that God is and will always be the same. He will neither judge me nor condemn me for my failures but accept and love me still no matter what. God’s love is too comforting. His love for me is such a relief. And how could I deserve such love? God will stay the same. 

Too many times in life, I question my faith. I must say, my faith is not perfect. There are those moments when I fall short in keeping my faith on Him simply because I doubt His love for me. I doubt if He really cares because there are circumstances in life that I could hardly stand and how could He allow putting me in those difficult situations? And when I call for Him, He is too distant, and it seems as though the pain I am going through does not bother Him at all. When I badly need an answer to my confusions, He seems quiet and thus I am left feeling so miserable in pain. 

Many times too, I feel so terribly lonely.  That feeling when though you are surrounded by wonderful people, yet you still feel so alone and you just badly want to get the feeling out of your chest. But He tells me to trust Him. I am reminded through His words, that I should wait because there is a time and season for everything. But when you are surrounded by happy, fulfilled, and contented people with the one they love, and here you are too confused, empty, completely unhappy and unfulfilled and feel that you are all you have, it’s just too difficult to believe in His words and beautiful promises. I wonder how long I must endure this feeling of getting tired reminding myself many times that I am fine when in truth I’m not? But God really has His own ways of unfolding blessings in our lives. I feel so sorry for the times I spent complaining rather than thanking Him for all that I have. I feel so ashamed of myself for being so ungrateful and for not believing Him wholeheartedly. 

I hate myself for the times I get so impatient and thinking that I know perfectly what is best for me. Life is hard. Yes it is. And life too is not fair. Why do good and nice people need to suffer? Why can’t God spare them from all the heartaches in the world? So I will cling to the fact that God desires nothing but the best for me simply because I am valuable to Him and that He loves me more than I can imagine. These are enough reasons for me to entrust my precious life on Him completely. 

Perfect trust. I should be confident to face the uncertainty of life simply because the best is at hand. When I feel overwhelmed with life’s pressures, I pray earnestly that I will be strong enough not to be shaken. That when all else fails, I still have so much hope and my hope is in Him, alone. I fervently pray for a steadfast heart, to keep believing, to keep hoping, and to keep the faith especially in times of distress. I pray that I will feel His love amidst my troubles. I pray that I can completely let go and let Him instead. It takes a lot of trust and faith to be able to do this. And so I pray that God will bless my heart and mind, that my every day walk with Him will allow me to see His goodness and faithfulness. I pray that God will bless me with an open heart to love Him more ardently and to trust Him willingly by giving in to complete surrender in His divine plan for my life. 

To surrender, something I have yet to learn… but with God’s grace, I know I can. For all these and more, I thank you God.