I am BLESSED

I am utterly overjoyed by the fact that I am IMMENSELY blessed. Blessed in innumerable ways. I am blessed simply because I know am loved. I feel so secured. I am wholeheartedly accepted. Indeed, God has given me everything I need to survive. I have a very loving and supportive family. I have a good set of friends who in one way or another, inspire me to become a better person and to do well in my craft. I know a few people who I look up to and I believe are living testimonies that life indeed is beautiful. The success of these people who inspire me in various ways reminds me that life should be lived to its fullest, that it should be enjoyed. There is no such a thing as too late for any changes and that I must be able to make the most of life and cherish every moment of my waking days. To dream, to achieve them, to love, to write, to sing, to dance, to hug, to cry, and to thank the Lord sincerely for all of life. My life is not perfect. I do not live grandiosely.  I do not possess luxurious material things and I do not really hunger for any of them because I do not want to stick to those that would not last. I live within my means and I am sincerely content with that. 

All I really want in this life is perfect bliss, fulfillment in what I do, and pure sublime happiness. 

That’s all. Simple yet complex. God has equipped me to run the race and win life’s battles. God has generously bestowed on me the qualities and values necessary to survive and to thrive beyond any means of survival. I thank the Lord that He has blessed me with a kind and forgiving heart. I thank Him that I am not easily angered and when I am, I can forgo and lay it on to the altar of God’s grace. I thank Him that I don’t find keeping grudges to other people healthy and beneficial of some sort in my part. I just don’t want any complications. I want serenity of mind. 

Albeit, I feel so bad for not thanking God enough for all these blessings. I too ran out of patience at times, but God has allowed putting me in various circumstances where I painstakingly learned that patience is not just a plain virtue inculcated to any one in schools but it is an exceptional quality considered indispensable when one truly aims for tranquility and harmony in all things. I learned this the hard way. Until now, I still fail in applying this in my very life. I guess this will be a lifetime quest. 

I believe all my life, I waited, still waiting, and will continue to wait for something, for a perfect moment, and for the right person to love because I am one person who believes that good things come to those who wait. Waiting takes a lot of patience because humans as we are, we all want security and certainty in all things, I mean who would not?  We want things in an instant; we want to jump into the endings of the story instead of savoring the little details in between simply because we just can’t wait. We want something to happen right then and there. But I learned that life is not tantamount to reading books that when we get frustrated of how the story is going to end, we can just skip and read through the ending and that is it. In life, we need to go through the process. It means going through that uncomfortable, painful process of growing up- the holding on, the letting go and the waiting.

I learned that there are really some things in life that are worth waiting for. There are things that are worth wasting our time and tears. There are things that are worth paying the price-in full. That in life, you need to learn to take a leap of faith, face the unknown and explore the possibility of life because, from the very beginning, God has bestowed on us the gift of “free-will.” This very precious gift gives us the power to decide on what we really want to happen in our life. As I get older, the daunting responsibility of what it means to be grown up scares me to death. The choices and decisions I make now will significantly make an impact and somehow determine my future.  Therefore, there is a need for me to really take wise and sound decision, and I thought, life has never been this hard. The need to accept and face the circumstances and consequences of my decisions even more weakens me in a way that I just loathe being a grown up, because it is just sad. However, it dawned on me that this is a part of what it means to grow. This is the phase I need to go through to become a better person. That’s why I feel the in dire need to ask God for the grace of discernment so as I may see things in His perspective. I cannot solely rely on my own understanding, because after all, my view of the world is limited. I need to seek the One Omnipotent, the One who sees things in perfect view. In making decisions, I need to check on my core values too. 

What are the values I consider important to be happy?

What do I value most in life?

What and who do I consider as my priced possession?  

What are the things I can willingly forgo for my loved ones?

Life indeed is too complex to grasp. Life's absurdities enable me to understand the significance of trusting God in all things. I can never fully fathom God’s ways and to try would be a waste of time. I see that no matter how sure I am with my decisions and choices, things could still go wrong. I might choose the wrong course and fail many times, but only one thing remains certain and that is the fact, that God is and will always be the same. He will neither judge me nor condemn me for my failures but accept and love me still no matter what. God’s love is too comforting. His love for me is such a relief. And how could I deserve such love? God will stay the same. 

Too many times in life, I question my faith. I must say, my faith is not perfect. There are those moments when I fall short in keeping my faith on Him simply because I doubt His love for me. I doubt if He really cares because there are circumstances in life that I could hardly stand and how could He allow putting me in those difficult situations? And when I call for Him, He is too distant, and it seems as though the pain I am going through does not bother Him at all. When I badly need an answer to my confusions, He seems quiet and thus I am left feeling so miserable in pain. 

Many times too, I feel so terribly lonely.  That feeling when though you are surrounded by wonderful people, yet you still feel so alone and you just badly want to get the feeling out of your chest. But He tells me to trust Him. I am reminded through His words, that I should wait because there is a time and season for everything. But when you are surrounded by happy, fulfilled, and contented people with the one they love, and here you are too confused, empty, completely unhappy and unfulfilled and feel that you are all you have, it’s just too difficult to believe in His words and beautiful promises. I wonder how long I must endure this feeling of getting tired reminding myself many times that I am fine when in truth I’m not? But God really has His own ways of unfolding blessings in our lives. I feel so sorry for the times I spent complaining rather than thanking Him for all that I have. I feel so ashamed of myself for being so ungrateful and for not believing Him wholeheartedly. 

I hate myself for the times I get so impatient and thinking that I know perfectly what is best for me. Life is hard. Yes it is. And life too is not fair. Why do good and nice people need to suffer? Why can’t God spare them from all the heartaches in the world? So I will cling to the fact that God desires nothing but the best for me simply because I am valuable to Him and that He loves me more than I can imagine. These are enough reasons for me to entrust my precious life on Him completely. 

Perfect trust. I should be confident to face the uncertainty of life simply because the best is at hand. When I feel overwhelmed with life’s pressures, I pray earnestly that I will be strong enough not to be shaken. That when all else fails, I still have so much hope and my hope is in Him, alone. I fervently pray for a steadfast heart, to keep believing, to keep hoping, and to keep the faith especially in times of distress. I pray that I will feel His love amidst my troubles. I pray that I can completely let go and let Him instead. It takes a lot of trust and faith to be able to do this. And so I pray that God will bless my heart and mind, that my every day walk with Him will allow me to see His goodness and faithfulness. I pray that God will bless me with an open heart to love Him more ardently and to trust Him willingly by giving in to complete surrender in His divine plan for my life. 

To surrender, something I have yet to learn… but with God’s grace, I know I can. For all these and more, I thank you God. 

Conquering the Land of Smiles

 

I thank the Lord for the gift of life. I had the chance to deepen my understanding about life and prayer through the lesson that I am going to discuss with my students tomorrow. Once again I am reminded of how important prayer is, and that praying for my welfare alone does not please Him. Prayer is a contemplation of which I must be reflective of the condition of the people around me and those that truly matter. Lord, I get easily emotional lately. I get sad and melancholic instantly even when I just simply read a verse from a poem or a line or two from a song, and somehow I have a feeling that perhaps this is all because the start of my journey to Thailand is fast approaching. It is the thought of forthcoming moments of parting that truly makes me sad. Lord, there is never a day that I could not think about it. Every now and then, the thought of it crosses my mind and as the days go by, my excitement at first has now turned to doubt and anxiousness. You know so well Lord how much I try to be strong and take enough courage to keep my enthusiasm in tact especially at times when I am overwhelmed with doubt, doubt in myself if I can truly make it-that is to be able to succeed and live independently in a foreign land. I do not know what to expect at all. I am taking this risk. At times when doubts start to cloud my vision, I painstakingly try to remind myself of this. “I am steadfast in my resolve that I can do this, that for the first time ever in my life, I dare to do something beyond what I think I can possibly bear.” To live far away from my family for quite some time will definitely make me lonely and sad. My family is ultimately my home. My family is my security and they are my source of strength and inspiration. I cannot imagine how life would really be like not seeing them every day. How the care and warmth of my parents’ love in my low moments at work and in life in general can do great miracles! Thinking about it now makes my heart ache and it feels like I am breaking. I never really thought it would be this hard. 

But then, no matter how troubling I find the situation is, nothing can change the fact that I have already made the decision. I prayed for this and I asked God for His guidance and thankfully, through His Divine providence, I felt His yes in this life-changing endeavor that I will soon undertake. This is enough for me to keep on because I know I am not alone. If I set my eyes beyond my worries and acknowledge my inner strength, things will somehow work out positively and much bearably. I believe. The situation I am into right now and the feelings that come with it will work in me a greater revelation of who I really am. As I am held accountable to the choices I make in life, I have to face courageously the challenges ahead. 

Lord, I simply want to thank you in most sincerity for the wisdom, for the strength and courage, for sending me my family to inspire me and my friends who share the same aspirations with me. I will not be alone Lord. Your love will suffice, there is nothing more I need. You will never leave me in difficult circumstances. You will take this journey with me. You will love me still no matter what. You will see me through my pains and embrace me with your comforting and reassuring words of love and faithfulness. 

Lord, as I excitedly wait for that day to come, which will happen a month from now, my prayer is that I will be strong enough not to be weakened by my fears, but become stronger by your promises of prosperity, fulfillment, happiness, joy, peace, and bliss. There will be difficult times Lord, be with me. It will be only you and me Lord. Help me to find a good school Lord, that will understand and help me out in my adjustment period. A school Lord, where the teacher is given due respect and quality and fairness among colleagues live. A school with a good working environment and a house that is safe and secured from any danger. Lord, I know you will provide everything that I need to live decently, happily and contentedly in the course of my stay in Thailand. With my friends, bless us Lord with a smooth transition from our place of origin to our point of destination. Grant us the confidence and serenity of mind to successfully pass through the immigration without any hassle or inconveniences Lord. Bless our trip, most especially Lord. Keep us safe in our waking moments and until we yield in slumber. Lord, these are all my fervent prayers and intentions. Without you, this will all be nothing. You are the giver of all gifts, You are the master of our fates, and so with all my heart, I surrender to You oh Lord, my fears of what lies ahead with the hope, that You have already set nothing but the best for me, and for all of us. Take charge Lord God. Thy will be done.