one step at a time

You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. ~Oprah Winfrey

Admittedly, I have painfully made so many wrong decisions in the past...  career and life in general... there were plenty of missed opportunities... :( I have had so many things to regret, so many "what ifs" and "if only." Now looking back, I think I have finally lost this confidence that somehow, I can still make things right and be able to make the right decision... I know there is no way that I can bring back the past and redo what I have failed to do. But, life has to move on! Now, somehow, I came to realize that life is not solely about either making the right and wrong decisions... It also tells us about how we stood up for our decisions... it is about being responsible to what we have thought and acted. It is not how you fail but how you stood up from a failure... It is what you have become after failing. The process is real hard. It is not easy to accept one's failure. It takes a lot of courage and humility to accept that you made a wrong move along the way... Because of pride, humans as we are, we have the tendency to blame other people as the cause of our misery... We distance our selves from the outcome and consider ourselves as victims instead. As a result, we harbor hate and grudges to people.. so all our lives we carry those hate and anger because we leave no more room for forgiveness and reconciliation... and yet, we fail to recognize that part and parcel of bringing our lives straight again and standing up after the failure is to forgive and move on... Some may consider it as one of life's harsh realities but the truth is, we have to forgive because it is the only way to move forward and that entails great humility to admit  that we- our selves is the co-creator of our misery.. it isn't easy.. it takes a lot of maturity... it is easier said than done. 

Now, it is hard to let myself get used to something I actually didn't wish to be into... I have to forgive myself for what I have failed to do... It weakens me to believe that I fail despite what I have done.. Every single day, I thought I have finally moved on, but there are just times when I wake up and feel like I haven't really moved even a single step closer to being 'okay.' This thought frightens me of the future... For now, bygones can't just be bygones... because it still haunt me... and to force my self to just completely forget about everything wouldn't be healthy... But certainly, I have stopped blaming anyone... I do not keep hate and grudge... I had forgiven them as I forgive myself... part of maturity is becoming responsible with ones thoughts and actions... And I should... I must be!  :) 

and moving on? slowly,.... I am getting there.... one step at a time...