parting is a sweet sorrow

* I wrote this March 24,2010. Wednesday. 2:01 A.M.Weary.Hopeless.

I decided to transfer this from my FB account. For now, I still don't know the reason why.

The hurt and the pain of a shattered heart is something unfathomable to comprehend – Yes, because I am learning it now the hard way. The parting came so quick and bitter. I have heard stories of broken hearts from people and I was totally dismayed to face the hurtful truth that – in letting go of Love, things are much easier said than done. You willfully convince yourself a hundred times that you can get on and live a new life. You strongly put a sound disposition in mind that you will be better off without that person. And yet, after so many things you’ve done to recover, you would realize that – you are still in that very same situation you are trying to escape. It feels a silent grief to stand strong and present a happy façade in the midst of people when the truth is – you are damn hurting.

Of course, I have my share why something has to come to an end. I had failures along the way. I was not strong enough to fight back my emotions. I allowed my emotion to work most of the time until I get tired and run out of patience. But before the decision came, I was sure I had thought it over. I made it clear to my self that I was sure with my reason for doing so. I feel the in dire need to be freed from the complications. I only wished to simplify things and I had to do it. This time, I let my brain work over my heart to stop the pain.

Yeah, I did let go but the decision was guided by my heart closely. I didn’t let go because I have loved him less despite all the pains. I didn’t let go because I was not happy anymore.

I did let go because I understood that this is what we need – to salvage the feelings that we still have for each other. I was scared of what I did but still took the courage so we could correct the things that were breaking us.

It feels sad not to be able to meet halfway. Misunderstanding is there and at this point, I am asked to just leave it at that. The silence and the absence are so much unbearable. It feels agonizing not knowing where to head on, either to finally move on or still be tangled with this pain and hope that things will still be fine. I feel so stranded and painstakingly feeling all the miseries. However, I did not regret. Things do happen because they have to. I never thought loving someone like this would hurt this much.

I want to be at peace and that means letting go and finally give up to all the hopes that there is still room for reconciliation. I cannot win this battle all alone.

I may be blamed, hated or worst misunderstood because I have not said things clearly as I am supposed to but I guess I have nothing else to prove that I am making sense because the truth is - I just "loved so much."

For now, I just have to endure the pain that we ended this way. This saddens me and brings me to pain. I am hurting because I have loved you sincerely. Although, I am very much thankful that once in my life I was loved by you. As I let go of your hand, remember that you will always hold a special place in my heart. The love I had given willingly and freely will always remain yours. Tomorrow gives me an assurance that life must go on and I have to fight back the pain - so that I could love AGAIN.