dreams...

Everyone has his own dreams and plans to fulfill in life. For me, I have many dreams and plans to pursue. Through these dreams, I am inspired to move forward and go on despite life's difficulties because I believe that it is through the fulfillment of these dreams where I could get to taste genuine happiness.

I would like to make these dreams realized before I reach 30.(hmmm)

* I'd like to get a stable job before I reach 25. By then, I'll be able to help my parents financially. (For now, that's my priority!) I can't proceed with my other dreams without this.

* I'd like to go places. Within the country I'd like to go to Cebu, Baguio, Manila, Boracay, Tagaytay, Davao, Bohol.(I'll be visiting these places with good old friends and family). Outside the country I'd go to Paris and Korea. (I'll be touring these places with that one special person. since it would be quite expensive to bring the entire troupe) hehehe!....

* I'd like to have my own house. (when you dream, dream big!) hahaha. Not necessarily a big house, a small house will do as long it's mine. I'd like to be well prepared before I settle down. Car? hmmm.... (I and my partner in life will work hand in hand to purchase one.) wow....

* I'd like to be married at the age of 28. I think by then, I have already pursued almost of dreams number 2 and 3. Nothing is more special and fulfilling when you share all these happiness with that one special person.

Who could be that someone?

Someone who believes that I am worthy of his every little effort.

Someone who knows that I can mess up yet still willingly embrace my imperfections.

Someone who is proud to have me in his life.

Someone who is generous of his time and patient enough in helping me make my dreams come true.

Someone who would bring out the best in me.

Someone who can understand.

Someone who has the same vision with mine

Someone who is willing to go through the odds just to be with me because he knows that it can make both of us happy.

Someone who would love me and would never be tired of making me feel that he does.

Someone who will stand by me.

Someone who will love me in my worst.

Someone who will not let go of me because he believes that this love is just worth the fight.

whoever that person is, he definitely deserves my; time, understanding, patience, care, trust, sincerity and love.

* Lastly, I'd like to meet that 'someone' by the time that I am ready. Perhaps, it is going to be a very long journey of searching. I hope I will be able to meet that person at the right time. I believe he is just there. By then, we will be spending our lives as one and would grow independently yet together. :)

Everything is but a dream... But who knows... :)

"saranghaeyo" i love you

A Moment to Remember (내 머리 속의 지우개)

*Synopsis*

A career woman Soo-jin who has everything and was born with a silver spoon in her mouth gets dumped by her already-married boyfriend. She tries to get over him and forget. One day she bumps into a poor carpenter, Cheol-soo whose only goal in life is to become an architect, and she becomes attracted to him. They finally fall in love and get happily married. Now that she thinks she found the right one, she has to face the undeniable fact that she has a disease which is erasing her memories…

I am an ultimate fan of Korean dramas and undeniably, this is one of the best Korean dramas I've ever watched. I was totally moved by the love story of Soo-jin and Cheol-soo. The movie was just so touching that it made me cry all through out. I just could not understand why but whenever I get to watch Korean movies, specifically love stories like this, I always end up crying. And in that state, the movie keeps me wanting and urge me watch it again and again even if it means, hurting myself too! :). (I torture myself once in a while) The story itself is undeniably overwhelming plus of course the most crucial ingredient of the entire movie, the soundtrack. I have learned to appreciate and love Korean love songs too because of the movies I have watched. . .

If you love Korean movies like me, and if you do have the luxury of time, I'd be glad to recommend this movie. Promise, this movie is just worth your time and tears. (I'd seen this in crunchyroll.com. I am just not so sure if for now this movie is still there.try and see then.) :)

parting is a sweet sorrow

* I wrote this March 24,2010. Wednesday. 2:01 A.M.Weary.Hopeless.

I decided to transfer this from my FB account. For now, I still don't know the reason why.

The hurt and the pain of a shattered heart is something unfathomable to comprehend – Yes, because I am learning it now the hard way. The parting came so quick and bitter. I have heard stories of broken hearts from people and I was totally dismayed to face the hurtful truth that – in letting go of Love, things are much easier said than done. You willfully convince yourself a hundred times that you can get on and live a new life. You strongly put a sound disposition in mind that you will be better off without that person. And yet, after so many things you’ve done to recover, you would realize that – you are still in that very same situation you are trying to escape. It feels a silent grief to stand strong and present a happy façade in the midst of people when the truth is – you are damn hurting.

Of course, I have my share why something has to come to an end. I had failures along the way. I was not strong enough to fight back my emotions. I allowed my emotion to work most of the time until I get tired and run out of patience. But before the decision came, I was sure I had thought it over. I made it clear to my self that I was sure with my reason for doing so. I feel the in dire need to be freed from the complications. I only wished to simplify things and I had to do it. This time, I let my brain work over my heart to stop the pain.

Yeah, I did let go but the decision was guided by my heart closely. I didn’t let go because I have loved him less despite all the pains. I didn’t let go because I was not happy anymore.

I did let go because I understood that this is what we need – to salvage the feelings that we still have for each other. I was scared of what I did but still took the courage so we could correct the things that were breaking us.

It feels sad not to be able to meet halfway. Misunderstanding is there and at this point, I am asked to just leave it at that. The silence and the absence are so much unbearable. It feels agonizing not knowing where to head on, either to finally move on or still be tangled with this pain and hope that things will still be fine. I feel so stranded and painstakingly feeling all the miseries. However, I did not regret. Things do happen because they have to. I never thought loving someone like this would hurt this much.

I want to be at peace and that means letting go and finally give up to all the hopes that there is still room for reconciliation. I cannot win this battle all alone.

I may be blamed, hated or worst misunderstood because I have not said things clearly as I am supposed to but I guess I have nothing else to prove that I am making sense because the truth is - I just "loved so much."

For now, I just have to endure the pain that we ended this way. This saddens me and brings me to pain. I am hurting because I have loved you sincerely. Although, I am very much thankful that once in my life I was loved by you. As I let go of your hand, remember that you will always hold a special place in my heart. The love I had given willingly and freely will always remain yours. Tomorrow gives me an assurance that life must go on and I have to fight back the pain - so that I could love AGAIN.

the best things in life :)

Rather than overwhelm myself with pressure and worries in the coming days (the anxiety of an upcoming job interview and English proficiency exam) why not think of happy and nice thoughts! :) After all, thinking about happy thoughts would give me a feeling of hope that soon, after this "hard" day, I'll get to experience happiness and more happiness again.

I'd like to share some of the things that I consider as the "best things in life."

* Hearing your favorite song on the radio*
I just so love music, specifically love songs. The kind of music I listened to depends greatly on my mood. When I am angry, I'd like to listen love songs. It calms me. At this state, when I hear the song "More than you'll ever know" haaays, I can't help but reminisce the good old days with someone so special in the past. I remember the happiness shared together. (right now, I am smiling). Wonderful experience. It made strong! :)

* Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
I am a certified hopeless romantic. I love imagining things especially when the weather is just so in harmony with me. I always feel so safe and secure when I'm in my room. It is a haven for me. I love to cuddle my pillow and just to be in my room especially when it rains. It gives a soothing feeling watching the drops of rain pour carelessly in my window. Love it!

*Sunrise/Sunset
I am always in awe whenever I get the chance to see the sun rise and set. It makes me appreciate more the goodness of God and somehow, it makes me feel that there is hope and a chance to correct our mistakes. I wish would be given the chance to experience that "awe" with the one I love beside me... ;)

* Laughing so hard until your face hurts*
There is just one person I could think of when it comes to crazy and weird things, my best friend RIA. We seldom spend time together now and definitely I am missing her . I really treasure the kind of friendship that I have with her. We 'click' in so many ways. We have plenty of similarities. I always feel at peace, at home and at "myself" when we are together. We have common dreams and sometimes common concerns and problems. There is just no dull moments when we are together. She is my "other half." We have our own world. As she said, "our tandem is uniquely incomparable." It is only with her that I can laugh so hard until my face hurts and for me, it' the best feeling ever.

* Hugging the person you love*
Well, there is nothing so comforting when you are lovingly wrapped by the arms of the one you love. It makes you feel secure wishing that, that person would not let loose and will just embrace you for a lifetime. For now, the warm embrace still lingers in my whole being. Hug is more than just the comfort and the sensation it gives but a romantic expression of love. :)

*Falling in love for the first time*
There is always a 'first' time to everything. To love someone willingly and freely for the first time is something worth the happiness and the pain along the way. To love is to hurt. Of course, pain is inevitable but I'd like to point out that pain is just nothing if the person is worth the pain. After all, what you will be carrying are the times when you are loved sincerely. For the first time, everything is new and you choose that person to be with you as you relish those 'first times.' I cannot compare my first love experiences to anything in this world. It was not perfect, but it made me happy. There is no way I can forget my first love experience knowing that I shared it with that one nice person. :)

Teacher Gen! :)

To be honest, I never really dreamed of becoming a teacher. Right after high school graduation, I was just absolutely following what my parents were telling me to do. My parents didn’t force me to take it though. I could no longer imagine now how I was able to get that course. I was just wandering yet I was sure I was following where my heart was leading me. I think all the gods in heaven did conspire in helping me become a teacher. And now, I just feel so blessed that I become because if not, I would not have realized how valuable teaching profession is. And I guess, I would not be the person that I am now without my experiences of being a teacher.

I would like to grab this wonderful venue for me to share my teaching experiences. The people I worked with, the students I love, laughed and cried together, and the relationships I had built along the way.

This is my ELC-SOODA family. I got the chance to work with Koreans. It was totally an interesting experience. I was teaching English then. With them, I got to immerse myself with Korean culture. In fact, I learned some Korean words through them like, Kyupta - cute, yeppoda- pretty, bogoshipta- i miss you and of course, saranghaeyo - i love you. Koreans are fun and nice to be with. I greatly had fun with them, and considerably, this is one of my memorable moments in my teaching career. Until now, it feels so good to still be connected to some of these students who are now in Korea. Exchange emails is a sincere effort in keeping ourselves stay in touch with one another. Indeed,'distance' would not be a reason enough to forget wonderful people especially if you have made sincere relationships with them.

This is Yoo Min Kyeong, English name - IRIS. She is an English teacher in Korea. I was her teacher in Speaking and Reading class way back then. She is a kind-hearted person. I never thought having a friend in her is possible despite our cultural differences. Gladly, we're still connected online until now. Although we just had very few months together but what we had was something like a lifetime.

Here is Kim Jin Su a.k.a KLAUS. The name sounds so weird and funny yet personally, I liked it! hahaha... He stayed in the Philippines for just a couple of months in preparation for his TOEIC test in Korea. He was my very first student when I got hired. He just got a nice character. His kindness transcends to anyone. He is fun to be with and at that time, we talk about his girlfriend almost all the time. He's the nicest guy I have ever known. I was actually envied by my co-teachers for being his teacher, because that would mean, I could speak to him more often than them. Indeed, I was lucky! hahaha... Anyway, apart from being a good student, his character and perspectives in life are just so admirable!... I hope I could get to know many more Klaus in the future. He is a man of brain and character.

I want you to meet Song Soo Bin, English name - JAMES. He is a young gentleman. This young man is oozing with confidence. He used to tell me how much he misses his girlfriend every after our Vocabulary test.. He too is so funny!.. He makes crazy jokes out of himself and laugh like there is no tomorrow. We had so much fun in class because of his humor.

Everyone! I'd like you to meet Lee So Young, English name - VIOLET (her favorite color is violet). She looks so naive just like me, hahaha. She is very smart. We used to share talks during breaks about our future dreams and she wants to become a lawyer!.. that's her ultimate dream. We click in so many ways because of our similarities. You cannot underestimate her by the way she looks. She is girl of substance, I tell you. :)

And here are my co-teachers. They just don't look pretty but they are wonderful by heart. They have become my confidante in times when I feel down at the test of this career. Some of them are married and the rest are single ladies!.. We had plenty of cherished memories. I treasure them and although some of them I have lost contact with, still there is no reason to completely forget everything that we had shared in the past- the laughs, the tears, and the happiness.

This is just a short glimpse of my teaching career. I am glad to share a little of my life as it gives joy in my heart...

Restless Heart

Whoah! I finally got a blog site… I honestly have this fascination in writing although I am considerably not a ‘good’ writer. I just feel the need nevertheless to have this stuff – a semi diary of mine which, I think will surely serve as an outlet of my outpouring emotions, wildest ideas, and craziest dreams.

Now that I am faced with a dilemma of what to do first so I think it would be so much better if my ‘first’ blog entry would be about myself, although I always have a hard time telling something about it. HAHA

Okay here it goes. I am GENEFE. To give a brief history of how my name came into existence, well it all started with the name JENNIFER. This is actually what my dear parents want to name me. However, the person who my parents entrusted to do the registry stuff for my birth made a mistake in writing my name so I have to live by a name GENEFER spelling check :(. The spelling was quite ridiculous although it still sounds the same as the ‘supposed’ one. So I live in that name in my entire elementary years. Later in my 6^th grade, when my teacher made a fuss about it, she asked for the true copy of my birth certificate and there! We found out that my name is GENEFE, letter ‘R’ typographical error something so questionable, therefore omitted!.. Ouch! :'( So when I entered high school, I felt like I was newly baptized because of my new name. Although my schoolmates in elementary still call me GENEFER. At first, I really find my name –weird plus the fact that people oftentimes mispronounce it gave me a hard time to accept it and love it anyway. But now, I am even thankful to that person who made my name a mistake because as it turns out, I find it so uncommon. I find it unique – one of a kind! Hahaha… Obviously I love my own!.. 

Moving on, I am the eldest in the family. I felt like I carried a huge responsibility when I was young. I became the substitute of my dear parents in looking out my siblings’ welfare. Just when I thought I was over with that responsibility as I and and my younger siblings grew older when I realized that I was wrong. I have to deal with different their uniqueness and so most of the time, I opted not to speak more to avoid ‘war.’ I think this is just common among siblings. I value my family above all things.

I am turning 24 this year. I am not getting any younger although I feel like I haven’t really matured… not yet? hahaha… Of course it takes a lot of experience to mature in many ways.

I am a proud TEACHER. I never really dreamed of becoming one. I wanted to become a doctor, a gynecologist to be specific. I just woke up one day and realized I was already caught up with my enrollment in the School of Education. I was too naive and didn;t know much about the world. So how did I become a teacher? I guess I have to blame to the angels in heaven who conspired make me become one. And I am so blessed  that I am. Passing the board exam for teachers was one of the ‘winning’ moments of my life.

I am introvert. This is actually one of the reasons why I come up with this blog. I love to wallow in my emotions. I am too sensitive with how I and others feel. Although, I hate confrontations. I’m too impersonal. I can express myself much more clearly through writing. Just like this!

I hate chaos, although not always organize.
I am time conscious but late sometimes.
I frequently change perspective.
I am random.
I am too sentimental! wheew!
I don't know how to cook, but I'd like to learn!
I hate washing the dishes. I enjoy doing the laundry instead.
I love to read.
I am a frustrated guitarist.
I complain but still do it anyway.
I feel alone most of the time but not lonely.
I am simple yet complicated.
I go to church.
I don’t keep grudges.
I treasure people.
I am so full of insecurities.
I am perfectly flawed!
I dream a lot! –mostly wishful thinking.

Above all, I am a woman with dreams and a heart to fulfill them. Slowly, I am taking each step one at a time. My ultimate happiness? It’s just about to unfold. Right now, life is just getting better and better! :)

Ultimately, I am still in the in dire search of my life's real purpose... this I think is the story behind the -  restless heart.. :)