Choose Love

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I take counsel in my soul 

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;

light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"

lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;

my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord,

because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13

Sometimes, we get caught up in things we dread no matter how much we try and work not to be in it. We dread rejection. We dread feeling unvalued, unloved. We dread losing people. We dread loneliness. We dread bitterness. So how is that when life knocks you down and despite all your good intentions, still you caught yourself battling things you dread and worst, all at once? The easiest and most default response is to grumble, resent, and harbor bitterness at its finest. It is not easy to feel grateful when all you can see at the moment are your hopes and dreams falling apart. Just when you believe that everything is going right, that everything is happening at the right moment, everything suddenly changes, and while you are still holding it in your hands, the view is getting too blurry already, the grip causes your hands to bleed and you are left with a choice to let it go because reality says, nothing more is right and worth holding on to. Everything shatters and disintegrates right at the palm of your hands. And you grieve. You grieve over the loss. You grieve over the hopes and dreams you have built. You grieve over yourself feeling incompetent. You grieve over not being the right person. You grieve over the possibilities of a good future. You grieve over the good memories. You grieve. And you grieve some more. And you cry.

And then in a heartbeat, you feel God's voice over your situation. You feel His tender voice over your pain through His Word. In His word, And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 NLT -you felt God's immeasurable comfort and a steadfast assurance that really nothing happens by chance. Your pain over the loss of something you wanted to treasure forever has a great purpose. But while it is still so difficult to know the reason why for now, you cling to God's love because you know that in Him you are secure. You are secure with the knowledge that you are loved, completely. You long to be loved in that same security from earthly beings. But they just can't and they never will. They fall short. And then you are reminded how foolish it is to expect imperfect people to love you completely, perfectly. Just like you, they also need saving and love that goes beyond understanding. Just like you, they need Jesus. Just like you, they need to be forgiven and loved. Because the ultimate truth is only God can love you and them completely. Really, only God can. And most of all, only God can restore what was broken. Only God can heal your wounds. Only God can satisfy your heart. Only God can. Only if you open your heart to Him willingly, unreservedly.

So what do you do now? What do you do with the pain? Do you take the loss as a failure? Do you feel bitterness in your heart? Will you forgive yourself? or will you keep beating and blaming yourself over the loss?

You acknowledge the pain. Yes, you grieve over the loss, you cry buckets like a lost child in the forest, and it is totally fine. But you don't stay stuck for a long time. You don't grieve for far too long to the point of allowing it to cripple you from becoming the person God wants you to be. Remember, God has a purpose for your pain! You get the lessons and accept your failures. You learn that sometimes things just don't work the way you hope they would. You learn that sometimes, the best way to love a person is to give them space to grow, to allow God to work in their hearts for His glory. You accept the fact that no matter how much you value the relationship and love the person in it, it isn't just enough. You accept that only God love can love them best. You accept that God has amazing plans for them and sometimes, it may mean you not being part of that amazing plan. That hurts and it's okay. Loving is such a humbling experience. Why? Loving makes you humble yourself that really, you cannot hold things in your hand without God and without His approval no matter how much you really wanted it. Loving makes you humble yourself by acknowledging that without Him, you are powerless. Loving makes you humble yourself upon arriving at a conclusion that you need to surrender to God everything. Loving makes you realize that you are not God. Loving makes you realize that you need God, above all else.

So from now on, be an adult, be mature and strong enough to do the right things. Choose to love. How is that? Does that mean, going back? Not necessarily. Choose to forgive. Even when forgiveness is not asked. Do not take resentment and bitterness with you. They will not do any good at all. They will only make you ugly, and of course that's the last thing you want to happen. Enough with the self pity party. That doesn't help either.

What's the best and fastest road to take in healing your broken heart?

Three words. Accept. Forgive. Pray. 

Accept that God loves that person more that you love him and God always has the best interest for him and for you as well even if it means not being together.
Accept that only Jesus, his ultimate Lord and savior can help him best walk through his personal struggles.
Accept that Jesus loves you and His love is all you need.

Forgive yourself. In fact, you deserve a tap in the back for doing your best, for giving your best shot, for holding on, for loving, for taking the risk, for putting your heart out there. You are an amazing person.
Forgive that person. He didn't mean to.

Pray. Pray some more. Pray for healing. Pray for love to reside always in your heart. Keep on praying for that person. Choose to seek the highest good for that person. Pray. Pray unceasingly. Jesus loves you! He really do! No questions, no complications, no what ifs and buts. He just do! Fall madly in love with Him. When all is said and done in this temporal world, Jesus is all you got! He will never leave you nor forsake you! Your battle is already won. The lover of your soul, your better-half, your forever, loves you, eternally, unreservedly, perfectly, completely. 

Don't Quit. Endure

In the earlier stages of my walk with the Lord, I have already heard the story of Job in the bible even long before and to be honest, I never really paid much attention to it because I thought well, it was just one of those bible stories and perhaps it is something that I cannot fully grasp -at least just yet for the time being. But yesterday's sermon brought me to this book again and while I was listening to the pastor, I was totally dumbfounded to realize how utterly beautiful, how relatable the story of Job is. In the beginning of the story, Job was described as "blameless" and "upright" always careful to avoid evil and to top it all that, he is a wealthy man too! Undeniably, he lives an awesome life with his extensive flocks, his family, and with God! God must be really pleased with his life that He blessed him abundantly, lacking in nothing. #LifeGoals right? And then one day, life happens. Satan took all his possessions, like everything including his children. And to make things worse, he got inflicted with a skin disease. He spent 7 days mourning over his plight. He could not understand. And then in his misery, he began to question God's goodness and justice. How could such a good and fair God allow him to walk through such pain and agony when in fact, he lived a righteous life, a life pleasing and honoring to the Lord? But how come? As he was conversing with three of his friends while battling physical agony and spiritual tribulation, he lamented over his misery. His friends were trying to help him make sense of his situation and at the same time evaluating God's nature and His relationship with His people. His friends were saying that perhaps, he must have done something evil to deserve such "loss" which they construed as "punishment." Although he was disappointed by the convictions of his friends and even he himself questioned God's ways at some point in his predicament, he remained steadfast in his resolve that God sees everything and ultimately no good can come out of wickedness. 

While Job questioned God for allowing him to go through such ordeal, I was also battling with myself, my thoughts and I instantly put myself in his shoes. It was not difficult to relate to Job because many times in life, I have been  and still is (sometimes) like Job too. I can't help but question God for the "whys" for what I thought as "lack" in my life. I doubt God's goodness and love for me simply because I cannot comprehend His ways. When I have been unceasingly praying and pleading God for something and He seems to be quiet and distant, I resent and feel unloved. I tend to equate God's love for me based on His answers to my prayers. If God doesn't answer, it means, He doesn't love me, He doesn't want me to be happy. Oh, what a wrong contention! what a small mind I have! what little faith I have! I feel convicted every time I am reminded by the truth. Just like Job, he didn't know that he was just being tested by Satan. God allowed him to be tested to see how far his faith can go. And in the course of his struggles, I saw the frailty and vulnerability of a human person being tested through pain. And this is where I think the beauty of God's redemption comes in. While Job was in pain, God showed His redemptive power, His mercy and faithfulness. And God is not someone whose value we can equate based on His performance in our lives. I am once again reminded that I am serving an all-knowing God. He sees everything, my future, while I only see a tiny speck of the grandiose picture. So it is futile for us human beings to attempt to comprehend His ways. When I try to understand God's ways, all I get is a never ending frustration. In truth, what God is simply asking of me is faith. To have a steadfast faith on Him and this faith is being certain of things I cannot see yet at the moment, the assurance of things I have hoped for. God is asking me to not give up on Him especially when the situations get unbearable because He is faithful. When His silence becomes deafening, the waiting game gets agonizing, the loneliness creeps in and it's tormenting, that is when God calls me to not quit! To endure and endure some more because He is merciful and He has the power to turn things around if I will just believe. Oh, gosh how can I not fall madly in love with such a God! 

I am also further reminded that God has given us the will-power to choose. In life, we have the choice as to what we deem is good for us. Hence, it is imperative to deliberately seek God's wisdom so that our plans and the desires of our heart are aligned to God's will for our life. This is where the importance of spending quality time with the Lord comes in. We have to prioritize being alone and quiet in the presence of God so that we can hear His voice and be able to make discernment that is free from our personal biases. Really, we just have to humbly accept the truth that apart from God, we are powerless, we cannot do life without Him. Everything is grace and we need God's grace day in and day out. 

When we accept God as our ultimate possession, there is nothing more to lose because God never leaves and He cannot be taken away from us. I do not see anything evil with material possessions in this world. In fact, we need some of them for survival. But these things are temporal. They cannot last and so it is unwise if we put too much value on them. Material things only become evil when they become our idols, when they replace God's value in our lives. 

Another realization is that we don't have a problem worshiping God when everything is going well in our lives. But as it has been said, the highest form of worship is to worship God in times of troubles. To thank God in the midst of suffering is worship at its finest. When we worship God when it is most difficult to do so, when all we really want to do is grumble, complain,  and blame Him for allowing us to suffer to be in pain, God is most glorified. It is my prayer that God will grant me the grace to be able to do this. I cannot do this all by my limited strength. 

As the story of Job ends, God rewarded his steadfast faith until the very end by bringing back all that he had lost and even multiplied them. God indeed is a rewarder. He honors our struggle and pain and so we can trust that nothing is wasted in God. We can trust that with our unanswered prayers, with our plans and visions remain unrealized, God is at work for our good. Nothing is more comforting than knowing that God is always after our best interest. He knows what is best for us and He will make sure we get to enjoy them for as long as we obey Him and walk alongside Him. 

And the most important reality of all is that as we continue to run the race of life, as we continue to endure as God challenges us to do, we can rest in the truth that only God can ultimately fulfill the longings of our hearts. Only God can meet our inmost longings. So whether God answers our prayers or not, even if He has taken what was once given, we do not fret because we already have the ultimate answer, we already have the most precious gift ever, and that is God and our growing relationship with Jesus Christ our personal Lord and Savior. 

With God, there is nothing I lack. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Thanks for reading! God bless you! :)